Dogmatic

We saw a lecturer for afar.

‘Assalamualaikum’, my friend greeted the lecturer.  

She smiled and we returned that smile. I bowed a bit as well as a sign of my respect.

‘Hei kamu. Kamu batch mane ni? Kelas ape?’

‘Emm. Tesl. Marjon’

‘Oh… Saye tak mengajar kamu kan? Kamu kenape tak bagi salam?’ she cried while pointing towards me.

At that time, I was dumbfounded and absolutely lost for words.

‘Lain kali, bile nampak lecturer, bagilah salam’, in a rather condescending tone.

For those of you who do not know, the purpose of giving salaam is to avoid arrogance within ourselves. That is why sometimes in the airport you can see Muslims greet each other as if they are acquaintances. We are brothers and sisters anyways.

In fact, it has been narrated from Ibn Umar, that the Holy Prophet said, "He who speaks without firstly giving salaam, then do not answer him ( to what he has to say)".

In the lecturer's case, then, I shouldn't have paid attention to her in the first place. The world has become so fucked up ain’t it if the higher up expects the ‘insignificant ones’ to initiate salaam? Absolutely defeating the purpose of giving salaam. In my defense, it was not my intention to disrespect the lecturer.

In this country, most of the time people have the knowledge; they just do not have the brain to process them.I bet she knew giving salaam is encouraged but just too noble! to make the first move. I was the arrogant one? Okay, baiklah, Puan. 

P/S: Or maybe because I despise being reprimanded by someone I call stranger! 

Servant

The community here is having a gotong-royong and a small feast. 

Why? To welcome a certain Yg Bhormat tomorrow. Haha. Let us laugh berjemaah.

As I drove passed the road, I could see a sign written, “DILARANG MEMBUANG SAMPAH DI KAWASAN PRASEKOLAH”. I could not help but wonder, ‘so it’s wrong to throw rubbish around the kindergarten area but not the housing area… Okay okay. I get it.’

The residents had a meeting to discuss, what to clean? What to cook? What do we need to show? And what do we need to hide? 

Why? Why hide? Just show her the leaking pipes, the horrible sewage system, the disgusting drainage system.

Why does she want to visit?

Owh… Because she received a complaint from the Health Ministry saying that the kindergarten is too dirty and unfit for schooling.

Then why approved the kindergarten site in the first place?

Oooo… Only now when the kindergarten is done, all the problems arise.

Oooo okay. Okay. Okay. Okay!

Since okay is the only word allowed for us to say 

The residents are so hyped to get this place clean before her arrival; the authority namely the Guru Besar is so concerned that The Bhormat might be upset with even trivial things. 

That is just our culture,

WE WORK TO IMPRESS, NOT BECAUSE OF THE RESPONSIBILITY ITSELF or as Islam taught us, as a way to worship Him. 

Yang Menurut Perintah,

Servant. 

J.U.D.G.E

When I was young, I love the people around me without any discrimination. If some things irked me, it would have been because they couldn't buy me ice-cream or they couldn't play with me. The young do not know what is expected of them, let alone what to expect of the people around them. They (who once upon a time was me), do not detest anyone unreasonably. I miss that, the moment when I don’t carry the ‘burden’.  

Growing old… It is not necessarily the responsibility that I despise, but the person that I have become. The new me is irksome, even for myself. The journey towards maturity lessened my empathy and improved my ill-thoughts of others. If a healthy man came up to me and beg for money, I would question his ability in finding his own means. I can precisely judge the annoying, the irresponsible, the flatterer, the opportunist, and all of the fancy dreadful words I was introduced to.

JUDGE. Good and evil. Impropriety and decorum. Acceptable and unacceptable. Folly and common sense. All of these I have mastered so very well until I cannot approve the characters that you have! The criteria to judge make me dissatisfied with you, and worst, I wish I had a choice. This affliction makes me want to change you like the one I see on tele, the one I read on books and the one I see in others’ _______. They told me the right _______ I should have. And I want it! I want it desperately! But it always plagues me as I failed and I know I will always fail.

When I look at others, I question, 
“WHY CAN’T I HAVE YOUR __________? 
WHAT DID I DO TO MERIT SUCH A __________?” 
And those questions tire me.

Because of that, I hate the person I shouldn’t hate. I mean to be thankful but I just cannot.

‘The more I see of the world,

the more am I dissatisfied with it…’

(Pride and Prejudice, V II, Ch I)

Madam Besar

She never came to any of our events

She never showed support

She never really cared

Yet, by the end of everything

She expected us to prepare something to feast her eyes

I feel more like fisting her eyes rather than feasting her eyes. 

P/S: Graduation day is the perfect day to ask for forgiveness. Sekian. 

Is the sweetness worth the bitterness?

The very first time I had my laptop, I bought it from Karamunsing. At that time, I had a notion that all laptops’ specs are no different as long as the price range is more or less the same. A week after buying it, I regretted it as soon as I realized Shidi bought a better laptop with the same price. Had I surveyed the choices first and brought along an expert with me, I wouldn’t have to carry the regret with me for the next 2 years. Investment sucks.

The same goes to car...

The same goes to house...

The same goes to property...

And spouse...

... He called me. We spoke. He asked me about marriage.

And I told him I am scared.  

He said, ‘you should be’.

Then I asked him, ‘if you had any other choices, would you have chosen the other over the one you married?

And he said “yes”.

I am now still in a state of dismay.

It saddens me, truly. 

Running... running... running to find the answer. But the journey is not always pleasing

The beautiful brain

I discovered that I am more flattered when people call me ‘smart’ instead of ‘lawa’. Though everything must be balanced, intelligence ought to be slightly important than beauty. You can fake beauty. You can put on makeup and appear presentable for 4? 5? Hours? Then the concealer would seem cakey, mascara would smudge underneath your eyes and lipstick would wear off along with the ‘beauty’. You are thinking that you have the perfect 32-24-32 body but his definition of a smouldering body is 36-26-40. In the Victorian era, the more corpse-like you appear, the more beautiful people considered you to be; the bustier you looked, the more bachelors would be attracted to you. Now, well, tan and skinny scream the latest fashion. (Betulka ayatnya tu?)

Intelligence is different. I consider it as part of your personality. The way you carry yourself, the way you deal with problems, the way you respond to criticism and etc.  Your intelligence makes people stay. It amuses them, I guess. While ‘beauty’ can be achieved through make up, surgery and Photoshop  intelligence is not something to be gained in a short period of time. It takes a whole lot of effort to read, to mingle with the right people and to make judgement about subjective things, in fact. Not everybody can do that.

Intelligence is eternal; beauty is ephemeral.

P/S: But do put a little bit of makeup on. :P 

Another P/S: I adore and despise Clare at the same time. Her writing is immaculate and people listen to her when she speaks. And people find her cute ,too. Isn't that annoying? hahahaha

She is, hands down, a bombshell. But she eventually committed suicide.
Perhaps if she was prudent enough, her life wouldn't have ended miserably.

I miss youuuu

I feel like I don't have any other friends other than Marjon 1
Pathetic, but I like it that way
Because I'm thankful enough,
and I know well enough, it is the luckiest thing to have them as my friends. 
Real and genuine friends... 

A lame post

Have you heard of people,
Losing their V-card at a very young age,
14 and 16
Because they thought it was cool
They heard it was cool
Yes, it sounded cool
Eventually, they figured out it is not as exciting as it sounded

Like marriage,
"Aww... sweet" here
"Aww... sweet" there
"Bestnya kahwin" here
"Bestnya honeymoon" there
You're going to live with a stranger, basically.
I can't even bear living with my parents
Well, most of the time
And you've known them for your whole life
This one guy/lady
You've known him/her
For like 6/7 years?
6/7 months?
Then, you got married.
Then, you figured out:
'Oh! Why does he like to walk away every time we fight!'
'Oh! What happened? We communicated well before!'
'Oh! When did we get so mean to each other?'
'Oh! Kaki perempuan ni berbulu lebat'
'Oh! Dia suka korek hidung macam si azmi'
'Oh! Why did I get married in the first place? Why?'


It is scary, man. It is scary.
Are you prepared?
Of course, it will be sweet.
But there's no guarantee it won't be bitter.

I'm just saying man. I'm just saying.

Knackered

I don't understand...
Asking us not to be like expert teachers
Who own years of experience and more knowledge
Yet you demand for such expertise from us

I just don't understand